


Say Something

by Leloi



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Omega, M/M, Omega Verse, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 15:17:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15643422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: I knew estrus poisoning was the easiest way to go.  As an Omega I have always been cursed with the need for suppressants.  How easy would it be to stop them and let nature take its course?





	Say Something

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for: Suicidal Thoughts.
> 
> I decided this needed to be finished. The unfinished form can be found in my Sherlock Fragments fic.

I knew estrus poisoning was the easiest way to go. As an Omega I have always been cursed with the need for suppressants. How easy would it be to stop them and let nature take its course? In the days before suppressants all the desirable Omega were collected by Alpha. Those that were undesirable were left to die when their first heat was upon them. Had I been born in a different time period I know I would have been left to die as one of those Undesired. 

I stopped taking them the day Mary died. The bullet that killed her was meant for me and I was on borrowed time. I stopped taking suppressants and plunged myself into the drugs so I would forget. I would forget that I was about to die and that my Alpha hated me with every fiber of his being. It was better to forget and then slip away. 

For weeks I forgot. It was only after I returned from hospital that I remembered. I felt increasingly distracted as John spent the afternoon with me. I wanted him to bend me over the table and take me. Wild fantasies filled my brain. It was my brain’s reaction to his Alpha scent. I was only half aware of his admission to cheating on Mary. My Alpha started to cry and I moved to wrap my arms around him to comfort him.

The last thing I remembered as the room completely darkened was John whispering, “Damnit, Sherlock!” And then there was nothing.

I woke up naked in my bed with John’s scent on the sheets. And for a moment I fought off the sensation of homesickness that came with having him so near. But he wasn’t there. The sheets held his scent but they were cool to the touch. John had left them more than an hour before.

Quickly I pulled on my dressing gown and entered the living room to see Molly sitting on the couch, reading. Molly looked up at me and gave me a soft smile. I knew from her look that she pitied me. My Alpha was gone. “Are you alright?”

What was I to say? How could she possibly understand what it meant to be an Omega rejected by the only Alpha they have ever wanted? With irritation I returned to my bedroom and shut the door. I could still smell John’s scent as it lingered.

“Sherlock?” There was a knock at my bedroom door. “Won’t you come out?”

“No, thank you.” I answered, annoyed with her intrusion.

“Listen, Sherlock… I know you’re in heat and it’s difficult for you right now…”

There was no way she knew what difficulty meant unless she too went into heat and was abandoned in the middle of it. “You don’t know…”

“John had to go pick up Rosie. He’ll be back soon. He’s not going to leave you like this.”

“Yes, he is.” I murmured.

“John wouldn’t do that to you.”

I bit my lips, thinking of the way his feet had made a sharp connection with my ribs. John was perfectly capable of leaving me in agony. “You don’t know that.”

“He promised.” Molly stated from her side of the door.

I leaned against the door and slid down to sit. I could smell myself as a fresh wave of slick rolled down my thighs, accompanied by semen. It was a fresh reminder that John sacrificed his own sensibilities to save my life, not because he wanted to but because he had to. Instinct made me rub my scent against the floor. I got up on my hands and knees and returned to the bed, leaving a trail of slick on the floor. It was an open invitation for an Alpha to claim me… Breed me… Make me their own. At that moment I could take any Alpha that walked through my front door. It just happened to be John.

John entered the bedroom and made a face at the scent of ripe Omega. “I told Molly to take Rosie to the park.” Taking a step towards the bed, he looked me over critically. “You don’t look so good.”

I wanted to laugh. “Your methods of deduction are…”

“Shut up.” John whispered dangerously. “Why didn’t you take your suppressants? You knew what would happen if no Alpha was around to help you. You could have died.”

A fresh wave of slick filled the room with the pungent aroma of Omega in heat. “Do we have to talk about that right now?”

John ran his hands through his hair before reaching into his pocket to pull out a foil wrapped Alpha-sized condom. Tossing it on the bed, he began to undress. “You could have gotten pregnant… Studies show that the treatment for estrus poisoning has a high percentage of pregnancies even if the Alpha doesn’t bite.”

I watched him undress down to his pants. “Did you bite me?”

John made a face and pushed down his pants to reveal his impressive erection. Regardless of his state of mind, his body reacted to my scent. “No, of course not.”

The words were harsh and I sat on the bed, watching him pick up the foil package with some apprehension. John didn’t want me. Maybe there had been a time he was open to the idea of having an Omega, but I ruined it when I jumped. A part of him was broken and lost forever when I returned. And he married Mary to prove it. Now she was dead and all that was left was broken.

“You need a knot. This heat will end if you have a knot.” John informed me as he opened the package and rolled the large condom over his length. It was made to catch the impressive amount of semen an Alpha produced. His half knot kept it in place. “What position do you prefer?”

I lay back on the bed, my feet on the mattress so I could lift my hips. If John was to take me, I would have him face to face or not at all. A part of me wanted to roll over onto my hands and knees and take the more traditional breeding position… But if this was to be my one and only experience with my Alpha, then I wanted to remember what he looked like when he filled me.

John gave a soft sigh and climbed onto the bed. His fingers lightly touched where my slick came from. “Are you sure?”

There was a moment of doubt but I nodded anyway.

John shuffled forward aiming his erection to slide into me. It went easily and soon enough I was full of Alpha for the very first time in my waking memory. You see… I have never shared a heat with an Alpha before. When I first presented I was given suppressants and toys to simulate an Alpha’s knot. Of course John must have entered me to treat my estrus poisoning, but I had no memory of it. This was my first time with an Alpha inside of me. I found myself to be emotional at the experience. The way his body moved as he sought to fill me completely. The way my hands slid down his sweaty back as he strained. My body accepting his length and girth as if he was a missing piece of myself, returned to me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the sensations of my Alpha taking me, claiming me… Breeding me for the first and only time. I started to cry. 

Suddenly I felt full. I opened my eyes to find John staring down at me in surprise. “Are you crying?”

Hastily I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand as John relaxed on top of me. His weight was comforting. 

“Did I hurt you?”

I gave a helpless laugh at the irony. The same man that beat the shit out of me not even a few days ago asked me if he hurt me during intercourse. “No…”

“Then what’s wrong? Am I too big?”

I squeezed my internal muscles down below, feeling him lodged within me. “No… You’re perfect.”

“Then why are you crying?”

I shook my head wearily. “You’re an Alpha… You wouldn’t understand.”

“I’ll be stuck like this for a half an hour at least.” John commented. “Hopefully the condom doesn’t break.”

I looked away.

“Why, Sherlock? This isn’t the first time you’ve tried to take your own life.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

John took a deep breath. “The OD on the plane… The near OD last week… Let’s not forget that Mary took the bullet intended for you. And now this? You’re trying to die.”

I shook my head, unable to tell him why I wanted to be done with it all. I couldn’t tell him how much it hurt to watch the man I love in love with someone else and make a life with that person.

“We have the time… Maybe explain it to me. Why do you want to die?”

I shook my head again. “There is nothing to live for. You hate me.”

“I don’t… Hate you. I’m just…” John sighed and relaxed against me, making me aware that he had been full of tension.

“Broken?” I suggested.

“Yeah… That’s a good word for it.” John gave another sigh and shut his eyes. “You’re going back on suppressants, aren’t you?”

I didn’t answer. The sweat on his back was cooling as evidence of what we had done began to fade. My scent was no longer pungent. With a grunt John pulled out and waddled off to the bathroom to deal with the condom, leaving me alone on the bed that still smelled of us. The tears came again.

^.~

My andogynecologist made a face as he assessed my paperwork. “Mr. Holmes… Something came up in your bloodwork. I can’t put you back on suppressants… You’re pregnant.”

I blinked at him in shock.

“Unless you don’t want to be…” His voice trailed off as he stared at the cuts and bruises on my face. “If your Alpha hurts you, you know you have options.”

I blinked again. 

“Mr. Holmes?”

^.~

I decided not to tell John about the pregnancy. Too much happened too quickly for us to really talk about it. First he was shot with a tranquilizer by my sister posing as his therapist… I found out I had a sister whom I had forgotten. John recovered but then a grenade was set off in my flat. Mycroft took us to Sherrinford. 

To be honest I had no time to even think about my pregnancy until I stood in front of my sister, playing her violin. “You’re pregnant.”

I stopped playing and stared at her, unsure how she knew. 

“Congratulations? Or no? You haven’t told anyone. Not even the Alpha that impregnated you? I wonder why…”

“Vatican Cameos!” John shouted in my ear. I ignored him.

“Could it be that you are in denial? I had an Alpha once. His name was Jim Moriarty…”

“Vatican Cameos!” John’s cry was desperate. 

I pulled the earpiece from my ear. “Tell me about Moriarty.”

^.~

We went through my sister’s idea of games. They involved death and killing. 

When we came to the third room I was confronted with a casket with “I love you” on the lid. Immediately I imagined I would have to kill my Alpha, father of my baby. But it was worse than that. I had to tell Molly that I loved her while John listened. And I knew what the casket meant. My love for my Alpha had to die without ever saying the words I wanted to say to him. Those words would kill us even as they gave life to Molly. 

“Because it’s true.” Molly whispered.

“I love you.” I answered.

She said it before time was called. But then it turned out that neither of us had to go through that at all. I was so angry, so disgusted, I smashed the casket. I knew I could never have John. Never! It wasn’t fair! 

John pulled me up from the floor and together we went to the next room.

It was supposed to be the worst room of them all. I had to either kill my brother or my Alpha. It was simple, easy. It was estrus poisoning and the ODs all over again. The answer was to kill myself. They would live on without me. And then everything went black.

^.~

“Is there something you want to tell me?” John asked as he sat on my new couch. It wasn’t as good as my old couch. Rosie sat on the floor at his feet, playing with her toys.

“No.” I answered from my chair.

“I heard what Eurus said when you were alone with her.” John hinted. “Are you sure there isn’t something you want to tell me?”

I bit my lips and stared at his empty chair. “I’m pregnant.” 

John picked up Rosie and set her on his lap. “Did you hear that, Rosie? You might have a little brother or sister.”

“You’re not angry?” I looked at him.

“There was always the possibility.” John answered. 

“I should have told you.” I reasoned.

“You should have told me.” John agreed. “But you didn’t. Instead I learned it from a sister you didn’t even remember you had.”

“Welcome to the family.”

John giggle softly to himself. “Of course this means you have to take care of yourself for the sake of the baby. No skipping meals or staying up for days on end.”

“And you didn’t even have to bite me…”

John regarded me critically. “Do you want to be bitten?”

“What?” I asked.

“You don’t strike me as the traditional sort of Omega that wants to belong to an Alpha. I could be wrong… But this is the second time you have brought up being bitten.”

I desperately wanted John to claim me and make me his in the way he belonged to me. But there was no way I could say it. “That is up to you.”

“It will help with your pregnancy. Babies with bonded parents develop with fewer complications.” John stood up and crossed the room to sit in his chair.

“It is up to you.” I repeated myself.

“You will take my scent and the entire world will know that you have been bred by me.”

I stared back at him and the child he held in his arms. 

“No other Alpha will want you.”

I shook my head at his words. There was no other Alpha for me. No other Alpha wanted me. I was Undesirable. “No Alpha wants me now.” I informed him.

John frowned at me as his daughter squirmed in his arms. “That’s not true.”

“Trust me. It’s true.” I answered. “An Omega knows when they are Undesirable.”

“Sherlock…” John sighed with an exasperated tone.

“I am an Undesirable. I’ve always known it from the moment I presented.” I informed him.

“Will you listen to me?” John demanded. “I am an Alpha and I am telling you that you are not an Undesirable.”

“Then why has no one bonded with me?” I demanded.

John stared at me, a complicated look on his face. With a blink he seemed to reboot. “Have you ever asked anyone to bond with you?”

“No.” I admitted.

“And you’ve never shared a heat with anyone before now?”

“Of course not.” I answered.

“Sherlock, you’ve never indicated that you even wanted to be bonded until recently. I always thought you were married to your work. You were a free Omega without an Alpha hanging around to hold you back.”

“You were wrong.” I informed him.

“You told me as much the first night we met!” John growled.

I shrank back at his annoyance. “That was before I knew you.”

John set Rosie on his chair and started to pace the floor, running his hand through his hair.

“Anyway…” I continued. “What Alpha would want me?”

John stopped his pacing and stared at me. “You’re joking, right? You’re having a laugh at my expense?”

I shook my head.

“You have no idea, do you? You honestly have no idea what sort of appeal you have for people. There’s Molly, the Woman…”

“Alphas, John. Not females.”

John bit his lip and clenched his hand. “Me.”

“You picked someone else.” I responded.

John slowly shook his head. “I am the father of your child. I will be there for you, always. Don’t you know that?”

My sinuses began to sting as I held back tears. “Why, John?”

“Because… Because I love you, you git.”

I nodded at him, unable to speak.

John reached down and took my hand, pulling me to my feet. His embrace was warm and comforting. I wanted to stay there in his arms forever. I knew then we could work this out. I had my Alpha, my John. 

“Now let’s go put Rosie down for a nap and talk about us.” John suggested.

“Yes.” I answered with a soft chuckle. Whatever happened we could work it out.

\--FINI

**Author's Note:**

> "Say Something I'm Giving Up On You" has been stuck in my brain for over a week now. Someone get that earworm out of my head! 
> 
> I meant to keep this as an unfinished ficlet... But it was too emotional to be stuck in Fragments for good. I haven't written anything for months. This is me, easing back into fanfic writing. 
> 
> Enjoy!


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